There are certain cues that a person may associate with sleep. I like to work with examples. My primary example that I discuss with patients is a Hotel room.
Many people when they go to a hotel they get great sleep (at least before children). You walk into the room, the bed is made, room is clean. You just saw a commercial about a well rested person that stayed at brand name hotel. You are away and associate the time with rest/relaxation. You don’t have to pay the electricity bill so you crank up the air conditioner (or heater in winter). You curl up in the bed and relax to sleep.
What changed?
Now, over the course of a few days there are some changes. You may be watching television in bed, eating take out or room service in bed. You are planning daytime activities in bed. People may be in and out of the room. You have your suit case open on one bed, a pile of laundry on the floor, and things in your pocket/purse may be on the stands. The bed may not be made because you napped or children were jumping on it. The room has a cluttered feel to it. The last night at the hotel you may not sleep well. You say to yourself that you never sleep well before having to go home. — What happened is that when you arrived at that hotel room you associated it with rest, however you did so many daytime activities in the room that you lost the association with sleep as it was replaced with all the things you did during wake. Your mind is not able to shut off from the daytime activities.
Real world implications – Make your bed your place of sleep only.
Similar, we should try to make our bed a place for sleep only. If you watch television in bed, do homework in bed, play games in bed, text or call friends in bed, surf the web in bed — The bed does not become a place of sleep, but rather an extension of daytime activities. You can’t shut your mind off from the awake associations.
It is interesting how many times one can’t sleep in bed, then they get up and go to the couch, and the fall asleep on the couch fine. There is nothing medical about the couch, there are no sedatives that float from it. What happens is that you associate the couch with rest, as you may with a nap. But there are negative associations with the bed, thoughts of I cannot sleep, Insomnia. Its equally interesting how someone may fall asleep on the coach, then on the way to bed now they cannot get to sleep. There is no caffeine in the air, just frustrations of insomnia.
Sleep association in children / teens.
For children, I advise that toys be played with outside the room, and if able stored in a separate room. If there is sleep with a teddy bear, make it a specific stuffed animal for sleep, otherwise the potential for daytime associations with play may occur.
For teenagers, I advise that homework is done in a different room. If not able to do such, at least have a separate desk where the work can be done.
Sleep association in adults/couples.
For couples, the marital bed is appropriate for intimacy, if you enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy it then negative associations will be made, and this also means that there may be other emotional issues that really need to be addressed as well.
And to all a good night!
For all, I advise to have television watching in a separate place. For reading to be done in a separate place. Same with telephone conversations, text messaging, and Internet surfing.
I advise to get a set of pajamas or sleep wear. Do not use old clothes you used to wear, or sweats that you otherwise exercise in. The process of putting on the sleep wear is a transition that marks our association with a sleep ritual. If the pajamas are comfortable, do not wear them all day when you are home, the association with sleep transition may be lost. Also, in children, caution with boys and pajamas of super heroes, this may cause hyperactivity and sleep avoiding behavior if they then desire to play the character.
The wind down period should occur in the place for sleep. It should be an enjoyable routine for children, and a relaxing routine to all. Falling asleep in a different place, then moving to the desired place of sleep, may cause problems with sleep maintenance. — Imagine you fall asleep in your bed and you awake in the patio, Your mind will be quite vigilant when you awaken. Imagine this occurred every night, Your mind will be vigilant every night as you try to go to sleep.
For help getting to sleep, I would advise:
ADHD and SLEEP: CHILDREN and ADULTS: Sleep Better Tonight
